We’re Looking in the Wrong Places

Letting go of what wasn’t working. In a recent move, I had to give up 99% of everything I owned. Hoping most of it was donated to the homeless camp near the house I had to move out of. Yet that was out of my control. In regards to the move, my internal guidance said go! The path I was on wasn’t working. Whenever I asked my internal self, it said, “Yes, go!”

After the move, I had no income for a few months. Only some money saved up. So all unnecessary spending was eliminated. Leaving my life on the boring side. I’ll spare you the details because they would bore you senseless. Yet at the same time the usual stuff I did, like watching TV and movies didn’t seem appealing as much anymore. I was done watching movies I had already seen at least a dozen times. A new movie or series really had to get my attention for me to give it my precious time. That time went to feeding my starved intellect on how the mind, anxiety and depression work.

Doubting the universe had my back was fueled by looking for work. Which is tiring, time-consuming and you don’t get paid for it. The rejection stung because I have the experience and I value it by not applying for work that didn’t pay more than a certain wage. It’s funny what people think is a livable wage, especially when you have to commute. While filing for unemployment I had to verify that I was who I said I was. More work. Yet as someone who has experienced ID theft, I do appreciate it. (Thanks identity thieves.) Yet it led me to believe that people want to contribute to society instead of being a burden and being looked down on by society. People want to earn a living, most of them honestly. (I have worked since the age of 16 and I pay my taxes, thank you kindly.) In return for their time and energy, people want a wage they can have a reasonably nice life on.

Relief finally came months after signing up for a writing course. Again the internal guidance said, “Go for it.” All the material was new and I was overwhelmed by it. I still did the work and I made mistakes. Yet I kept working and learning. Confirmation that I was on the right path came from an external source after talking to the pastor. Thank you God! The doubt became quieter and the anxiety has eased up over these past few months. This very morning, some anxiety began it’s usual chatter, yet something took it away before it really got to me. (Thank you again.)

In the end, I believe that if are facing a difficult choice, doing what brings you peace, is the path you need to follow. You can only take care of yourself. Worrying shows you care about other people, yet it does you no good. Those you are worrying about have to live their life and you can only live yours.

Namaste.